The Puzzling Quagmire of Bobby Brown's "On Our Own"

So I’m outside Starbucks today, heading to the T and for once not listening to music. My ears needed a break from headphones and, because I apparently have attained logic today, I decided to give it to them. Anyhow, I started thinking about that Bobby Brown song from Ghostbusters II, “On Our Own,” a song which has very, very little to do with the Ghostbusters except for a little rap bit in the bridge (“too hot to handle / too cold to hold / call the Ghostbusters and they’re in control”; no, I don’t understand it, either) and then a talking section. Here’s what the esteemed Mr. Brown says there:

“Found out about Vigo / the master of evil / try to battle my boys? / that’s not legal!”

Aside from this bit coming from the Steve Miller School of Rhyming (I don’t care how badly you want it: “taxes,” “Texas,” and “facts is” do not rhyme; a passing nod at assonance doesn’t count as songcraft!), let’s examine this just a tad. All right, (1), I’m not sure Vigo is anyone’s idea of a “master of evil.” I mean, even Zuul wasn’t really a master of evil, despite the possession and the giant Marshmallow Man. Vigo’s big plan seems to be escaping from a painting and then causing slime – which now has musical taste – to animate the Statue of Liberty. I think. I don’t know, maybe it’s a nuisance? Certainly not as tasty as, say, coating New York in Fluff, but I’m not sure anything Vigo does is really all that evil.

But I want to get to the last line the most, because seriously? Of course it’s not legal! Vigo’s a malevolent spirit with at least pretentions of evil. I’m not sure ghosts – at least the ones in the Ghostbusters universe – care one whit about the potential legality of their spooky actions. Isn’t that pretty much understood? And yet Bobby Brown seems incensed about it.

Plus, okay, beyond Vigo’s outrageously unlawful presence in the municipality of New York, Bobby seems especially furious at the fact that that Vigo is attempting to “battle [his] boys,” the Ghostbusters. Now wait a minute: isn’t the point of the Ghostbusters … I don’t know, busting ghosts? Arbitrary legality aside, isn’t it sort of the point for the Ghostbusters to battle Vigo? It may not be legal in the strictest sense, but that’s like saying, “Oh, a criminal went against what the police wanted! That’s not legal!” The whole reason for police officers is to catch criminals, and the whole reason for the Ghostbusters is to bust ghosts. What Bobby seems to be saying is that, sure, it’s okay to fill the sewers with slime and cause general PG-13 havoc, but don’t go directly against the Ghostbusters, because that, sir, is crossing the line.

In conclusion: Bobby Brown doesn’t seem to understand the whole Ghostbusters philosophy (he even references them “grabbing the proton packs off their back,” which not only features sloppy plural agreements but also a poor preposition choice) as well as Ray Parker, Jr. He might have inadvertently stolen his riff from Huey Lewis and created extra verses no one at karaoke ever remembers (“What’s this part about an invisible man? I … think he likes the girls?”), but at least he gave the whole world a catchphrase for the ages, and reminded us that bustin’ is supposed to make us feel good.

Kev